I’m not good at planning so I resigned the right to call myself an improv gamemaster with the ability to come up with crazy stuff on the fly. However that was the case in previous years, but for some reason I have lost that ability. It could be due to the fact that I was depressed for a while and during that time something happened. So what’s stopping me from becoming more of a planner? It’s the fact that I can’t focus on anything. Even as I type out this blog post I’m playing Hearthstone and watching a twitch steam. There are some of who will say, “Why not just turn off the distractions?”

I’ve tried. Nothing works. I’d simply look at the blank sheet on the screen.

Many times throughout the day I find myself wishing I could magically transform my mind with the flick of a wrist. I can’t even flick my wrist because I’m sure I’d hurt myself doing so. Medication could work. If I’m really depressed still there is the possibility it may help me. But do I really want to go down that path?

Even when I’m typing I can’t focus on a subject, can I?

My partner says my lack of ability to improv may be because I took an extended break from tabletop. He reasons my mind is still adjusting. It’s either that or the fact that I’m older. He told me that when he was younger he could do it well and his improv ability is still good, but not where it used to be.

Weird to see myself already worried going senile at the age of 29.

The players I’ve had in the past got into wild situations and their ability to come up with ways to get themselves out of said situations always amazed me. Perhaps that is what I need to do. I should go back to being a player for a while and see how well my improv skills do for me as a player as opposed to a game master.